Another column, another emotional roller coaster - 12/13/01
Just when this columnist was about to put her article (and herself) to bed, the hockey gods strike again
If there had been a play-by-play guy and colour commentator in my office this week, it may have sounded something like this:
- Good evening fans. It looks like she's got an interesting column for you this week. She's starting with a clever title "Ties, damn ties and overtime." Yes sir, she's digging deep into those files now, pulling a tattered box labeled 1993 out of her filing cabinet… but we'll have to wait and see what she's on about as she takes a quick break. Dick, what do you make of things so far?
- Well, Danny, it looks to me like she's alluding to the last time Montreal won the Stanley Cup. But how it relates to the title…? It reminds me of when my father coached the 1953 Canadiens…
- She's back, and you're right, Dick, this does have something to do with the playoffs and tie games. She's flipping through the record books and … YES she finds it! Montreal had 10 overtime wins in the 1993 playoffs.
- If you remember a couple of weeks ago, Danny, she alluded to the fact that the current Canadiens seem to "settle" for a tie, that they don't have that extra push the way those powerhouse teams of the 50's did… when Toe Blake would…
- Hang on, Dick. She's watching the Phoenix game. How did Montreal let that one end in a tie? A rookie goalie's debut and 36 shots on net? She's ranting about the 2-on-none that ended without a shot, the 3-on-1 in overtime that fell apart at the end. Wait, she gingerly pulls back as she looks to the schedule ahead… a home game against Minnesota followed by a game in Atlanta. Yes, this column is gaining momentum. Dick?
- It's looking positive indeed, Danny. After all, the wires are reporting that Jeff Hackett will be back in net for the Atlanta game on Wednesday so young José Théodore will get a much-deserved break. You know, Danny, in the 40's and 50's, a team really only used one goaltender in a season. In fact Jacques Plante…
- Fans, Théodore just recorded his second shut-out. The Canadiens have ended a brutal 5-game home stand with a win. And she's looking at an interesting statistic, Dick. Richard Zednik had 12 shots on the Minnesota netminder.
- 12 shots, sure. But not a single goal.
- You're right, Dick. And it looks like that fact has struck a chord with our columnist.
- Well, Danny, there was an earlier column where she wrote about the Habs not shooting enough, remember? Where was the firewagon hockey? That was the era I was lucky enough to be a part of as my father…
- I don't like the look of this, Dick. Seems like she's got another idea caught up in her paraphernalia. In fact she's pulling her hair out and calling herself a chump. What's brought this on?
- Looks to me, Danny, like she's reviewing some of her old columns. Uh-oh, she's gone back to the very first one from 6 weeks ago.
- Brilliant, Dick! It's a Thorntonian spin-a-rama! She's just changed the title of her column to "Lies, damn lies and statistics." She's ready to make fun of herself because she had said Doug Gilmour was going to make a difference. She's reviewing his 22-game statistics… and… and… goodness, Dick, the Killer hasn't scored a single goal!
- But look who has, Danny. Arron Asham and Reid Simpson. No wonder she feels like a chump. Her Gilmour theory has no credibility.
- And now she's listening intently to the game in Atlanta, taking cannonading shots at her own reputation…
- It's a good tactic. Those clever Sportsnet.ca visitors who sent her e-mails about how wrong she was will eat it up.
- Oh no. Gilmour has scored his first goal of the season. It's his second point of the night. She's in trouble now, Dick. She'll have to scrap that idea… Wait a minute, she's thinking about the daunting 22-game stretch ahead where Montreal plays just 5 times at home. She's turning it around again… and she leaves the room to feed the cats.
- This is riveting stuff, Danny. During this game alone we've seen her change the strategy on the fly, with each drop of the puck. When Lach, Blake and Richard used to improvise…
- Dick I've gotta stop you there. Hackett is playing a great game and she's writing something about trade bait. Sure, 2 solid goalies, maybe even throw pretty-boy Souray into the deal and perhaps the injury weakened team can make a big deal…
- Danny, look out. She's tossed another balled-up piece of paper and it just missed us…
- No wonder. Montreal has taken a bunch of dumb penalties and the Thrashers have tied it up. She's looking for that scrap of paper with "Lies, damn lies and overtime" on it… Dick, I've never seen a week quite like this one. How can our columnist write about this up-and-down team and stay sane?
- Because we'll always be there for her, Danny. Back to you.
Okay, maybe I'm not completely sane, but nobody ever said writing about the Montreal Canadiens in Gary Bettman's NHL would be easy, did they? Now if I could just get these guys to leave my office…